DMX and KEYSHIA COLE

I like DMX: Soul of a Man more than I liked Being Bobby Brown. Yes, I said it! X really started things off with a bang:

I'll fuck a midget up. Straight up. I'll bust a midget ass if he talks to me the wrong way.

We speculated about what Whit and Bobby did behind closed doors, but during one rare moment of sobriety, DMX confesses,

"My brother laced a blunt one time after a robbery....it created a monster."

Then we see him in a convenience store dancing, rambling, cooking eggs in the microwave (cracking the eggs in the store, mind you), and leaving with a basket full of ketchup -- 36 hours late for the studio. Top that with your hemorroid creme, Bobby.

My goodness, X is a troubled man! His poetry is so moving, though. Just like LORD GIVE ME A SIGN, the theme song to the show. Download it or watch the video -- the beat, the sound...I love the song. Makes Jesus Walks look like a nursery school rhyme.

Man is a show that you can watch by yourself, if you want. Get your soul saved because I know that nigga's going to be a preacher by the end of the season. Or smoking a pipe on camera. Either way it's gonna be some depressing shit!



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Keyshia Cole.... Down Ass Bitch Numero Uno. I kept expecting her to pull out a Food Stamp card and nonchalantly confirm: "Aint shit changed. Nah' mean?"

This might be a hit. Keyshia's a star right now, so she's going to have some interesting moments on camera. Not that this is one, but she actually expected us to believe without question (because she's so real) that dope dealers used to give her $50 just to sing songs for them. She hummed alright.

After hearing about all of her struggles, I started thinking, "that girl is too real." Then it got real real. As I uncomfortably watched Keyshia tearfully telling her neices and nephews,

"don't be leaving me in the dark... I want to know what's going on with y'all. I gotta take care of my family...that's all who took care of me,"

the pink elephant in the dirty room stepped up. Did Keyshia just pour out all of her heartwrenching concern for her family in her sister's dirty, sparcely furnished cubicle of an apartment?

What's up? I know Keyshia got that first check by now!

Cut to Keyshia's gaybestfriendmanager:

Keysha neices is her kids; that's the way she sees it,"

Keyshia's parenting skills are pretty 'effed up then. Why the kids living in squalor Keyshia? Have you ever given them any money??

Then Keyshia's sister, a woman who unaturally calls something other than herself "so ghetto", cries into the camera, "It's a blessing to see her come from being broke."

I don't know if her tears were from realizing how much money Keyshia has, or from realizing how much money she apparantly aint sharing.