Monday, March 23, 2009

Courtship Pt. 1: How Long?

Since the age of 14, I've had a few serious relationships. Each one has been "official" after 3 months or less. Well, I held one off for about 6 months... we almost reached that awkward point of no return: friends/friends who know all of the business. But for the most part, each boyfriend I've ever had has been the result of a very short courtship.

I've noticed that men aren't vague when they seriously want to be with a woman. I think that when they want you, they try to lock you down ASAP. That goes for the players as well as the non-players. The employed and unemployed. The good and bad.

The lead-up to Exclusivity usually goes something like this:

1 - Meet
2 - Date for about a month (no sex involved)
3 - Talk often, see each other often
4 - Then bam! anywhere from 2 weeks - 3 months later, he says one of these 5 things:

-- When are you going to be my woman?
-- You know we're a couple right?
-- I don't want you to see anybody else...and I don't want to see anybody else, either.
-- I'm falling in love with you...I want to be your man...
-- You got me, I don't want anybody else. I want us to be exclusive/exclusive.
-- Will you GO WITH ME?

The last one is usually spoken by the ever-so-playful man -- but he's serious and he soon makes it known that he is NOT joking.

Some people think it takes longer than 3 months to get to that point. But, if I'm still communicating with a man on a daily basis after 3 months he must be a good guy or one hell of an impostor. By the time 3 months rolls around, it's either ON or OFF. Not because I have some 3-month deadline, but because by that time he's probably tired of waiting on me to give up the Good Girl (LOL).

Then again, maybe because I'm a nurturing, yet elusive Cancer female, I attract sensitive guys who want to be in committed relationships...?

Women, how long do you "talk" to a guy before it gets serious? Why?

Men, how long do you "talk" to a woman before you want it to get serious? Why?

1 comment:

  1. I'm with you Smokie! None of that being vague stuff, if you don't claim me I'm out.

    Its usually around 2-3 months for me too. With my ex, he mentioned how much he liked me and wanted me to be his girl.. when I didn't respond, he told all his friends... then told all my friends... there was no "I'm not ready for a relationship" talk at all.

    So I get to know a guy for 3 months, and if he says he's looking for a relationship but hasn't mentioned anything, then I assume I'm not what he's looking for and keep it moving. More importantly, I make it known from the outset that I'm not looking to 'kick it' with anyone and the guys who aren't serious usually stop communication after the 1st month.

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