Courtship Pt. 2: Why Wait?

I know that someone wants to know, "Why do you make them wait??? That's just playing games!"

It's that kind of thinking that will have you giving up the good stuff to every man you meet. Didn't Karrin Steffans say you'll get stretched out that way...?

It's not a game to wait, and I'll tell you why.

I haven't been pure in a long time. I was never a ho, but I wasn't a nun either. But no new man ever had to know who I had been with. Believe it or not, I had guys thinking I was still in a virginal state until I had my son!

Even after I had living and walking proof that I wasn't a virgin, I still put on my Good Girl hat. Sometimes I considered throwing caution to the wind and giving it up to that tall, fine new guy, but I just couldn't do it -- if I wanted him to be my man. (If I didn't want him to be my man, whooo hooooo! but that's another post.)

Why couldn't I sleep with the new guy? Because by making a man wait, I gave him the idea that I made other men wait too. My value shot up because real men want real women, and won't be serious about a ho. There's but a small window of opportunity to influence a man not to put you in the "ho" category. Making him wait just gives him a little insurance that you're probably not a ho and place you in the "possible relationship" category. Oh he still wants it, but now he starts thinking in terms of sex with you within the confines of a relationship.

Of course, men marry hoes all the time, but as I said in an earlier post, the average woman doesn't know how to work the ho angle to her real advantage, so she's wasting her time being a ho. She's not going to ho her way up to a good man, but she's going to her ho way out of the running.

Waiting makes a man treat you with more respect. We "teach" men how to treat us by how we treat ourselves and by what we do not allow from Day 1. By waiting to have sex, you subconsciously tell a man, "I value my body. I don't make quick decisions concerning my body or my heart. I deserve to be talked to and treated respecfully. I don't associate with men who overstep my boundaries." He'll either kick rocks or act right. Period.

Waiting also reduces your chances of having a "he doesn't count" encounter. Many women get in denial about sleeping with somebody they wish they hadn't slept with for one reason or another. When a girlfriend reminds us about the mistake, we say, "Oh, he don't count." Yes he does. There's no other way to say this but...every peen stretches you out just a little bit. If not physically, then mentally.

You know that thing called a male ego? It's huge and it doesn't take much stroking to make a man feel special. After you've drilled it into a man's head that you only get down after you are damn near in love, when he finally does get it he can't help but feel 10 feet tall.

Waiting helps you clearly see the man without the cloud of Great Sex blocking your perception of reality. Remember this: UNTIL YOU GIVE IT UP, YOU ARE IN CONTROL! And if you play your cards right, you'll still be in control AFTER you give it up.

I must interrupt this to spit a little GAME: He's not your husband, so dole it out piece-by-piece. Please, ladies don't let a man milk the cow day and night. Let him know by your actions that he is renting the cow and rented cows aren't available 24x7. Until he puts a ring on it, he only gets girlfriend/boyfriend, fornicating sex....that is, sex when YOU want it. (Don't worry, you won't lose him. Calling it fornication does 3 things: 1) keeps the reality of what you are doing in the forefront 2) gives you an indisputable excuse not to have sex whenever you don't want to 3) plants it in his mind that it will be ON when he makes an honest woman out of you...and it also plants GOD smack dab in the middle of your relationship... which in turn guides his mind into "thinking right"). I'm not saying to be a prude in the bedroom. No, please put it down when you are "in the moment", just don't be "in the moment" 24x7.

Waiting gives you time to weed out the men who only want you for sex. And when you discover they do want you for sex - and you haven't given it to them - it's much easier to let them go -- and keep your dignity. (And if he wants to run game to the point of waiting, getting it, and leaving, he'll probably give you some kind of indication that he's TRIFE beforehand. Pay attention.)

Waiting gives you time to impress the RIGHT man with all of your Good Woman characteristics instead of your bedroom tricks.

And most importantly, waiting gives you time to 1) discuss your sexual pasts, 2) take THE TEST, 3) discuss protection, and 4) decipher if HE's a ho.

Now, there are those women and men who are just very sexual—they meet, do it, and tie the knot 6 months later. It can happen, but I really think that's almost a love at first sight situation -- or white people.

Do you wait? How long? Why?