Thursday, February 11, 2010
I love Marvin Sapp's I "Never Would Have Made It"* as much as the next dope dealer who dodged a bullet, but my anthem is They That Wait by Fred Hammond and John P. Kee. I identify with that song profoundly. When I first heard it, I realized it summed up my whole life.
Let me tell you, I've passed up a lot of (weak) opportunities because I knew God had something better for me. In some areas of my life, I've definitely practiced delayed gratification -- and for the most part I haven't cared about outside opinions.
I've been the single chick at birthday parties and weddings without a man next to her or even on the phone with her. I've been single while my son's father has had 3 wives. (Don't get it twisted, I was the first one who turned him down. lol)
I waved goodbye to - or just passed up - the ones who'd have me immersed in drama and self doubt. I let the sheets be cold many nights; I knew they'd warm up with the right one one day.
I've worked at jobs that didn't pay as much as I wanted, but I stayed to get a little tenure. I moved on eventually, but I waited for the right time. I never quit a job after I had my son; we haven't had to go without insurance or lights or food because I get up most mornings and drive to work. I've never depended on a man to provide for us.
I worked the structured jobs so that now I am blessed to make my own schedule.
I could have lived with a number of boyfriends (and could have even married a few mis-matched ones too), but I didn't want my son to grow up with that image in his memory (might be other bad images, but not that one. :-)); I didn't grow up seeing it and I'm thankful to my mother for that. It wasn't always easy to pass up invites to shack up, especially when friends were living with their men, but I knew something better was out there.
I could have gotten on Section 8 and moved in a house. I could have even pulled some funds together and bought a regular little home. Then, when I married, we could have been in a hurry to compete with the Joneses, but we wanted a nest egg. We wanted a certain house. Planned. Saved. Waited. Sometimes it was hard.
When you see my joy or when I say, "I'm so glad I didn't this or that", please don't take it as bragging. It's testifying. I sacrificed and went without in every area possible, but I held on because I wanted God's full bounty. I'm glad that God is showing through me that He's true to his word if you fully believe in Him and just do what He says as much as you can. I'm happy for GOD. I'm praying that someone will pause after reading this and change up one thing they are doing to align with what God would advise in that situation. You'd be so much happier and freer if you'd just release it and let Him gently work it out.
Of course, I make stupid decisions and I have my regrets, but the goal is always true happiness and peace. I'm thankful for His mercy when I veer off track, but I pray while I'm off track that he will put me back on the right path. He does. Something tells me that if you try to live with love and wisdom, God will reward you. Life will reward you. Your heart will reward you. I've tried to resist leaning unto my own understanding because I always know that He has a better plan for me. My trust is finally paying off in big ways. But you know what? I don't feel like "it's taken so long". I think I feel more like "it's right on time".
I'm not saying be a holy roller, but read Psalms and Proverbs and learn about people and life situations and how to handle them. Learn about those you should avoid and those you should hold dear. Learn about actions and reactions and better solutions to every day issues.
Understand, God doesn't move at your pace so He might not work it out when nor how you think He should. But just wait. While I wait for Him to do His magic -- because when it all works out in the end you SEE how He worked -- I pray for guidance so that I can make good long term decisions and I fill my life with happiness and truth as much as possible. Sad, mad, and confusing days come, but a steady convo with God brings about understanding and clarity. I know He's going to fill my life with a joy and peace that passeth understanding. All I have to do is my part by staying the course and allowing Him to do His thing. He gives many small rewards on the path to the larger ones. He is the BEST kind of father. (I always make sure to shake things up a little bit though just to keep it hot!)
* On the real, I had to click on the link and listen and he IS the truth! These songs might be a tie!