Be Easy, Ladies

I wanted to add a comment to this post, but no new comments are allowed…so *bright idea!* -- I’ll just create a post in my own blog. It’s a pretty interesting topic.

Guest poster, cjames laments about black women and ends the post with:

So let me help you out ladies. Do you know what men want? We want truth in advertising. Do you want to know why hoochie chicks get a lot of attention? It’s not because we get to preview the goods, it’s more that we respect that they are letting us know up front what they are about.

Immediately the commenters jump on him, defensively reprimanding the man for using generalities (all, every, etc.) in his ponderings about women.

What's up, ladies? Can’t a brotha speak his mind without all that? Intelligent discussion is fine and even encouraged but why do we have to take over the conversation, twist it, get defensive about it, and don’t even address the man’s concerns? I mean, why are we lying like a lot of women don’t pass up good men for losers? Why are we pretending like some women don't put up fronts, deceive, and use men? Sure, men play a part, but what is so wrong with addressing the man's concerns without attacking him? You can get your point across later.

Why do we get so defensive when black men share their frustrations about dating us? Why don’t we WOMAN UP and search for solutions instead of deepening the trench between us?

The black man needs his turn to vent, too. And we owe a reasonable response to the brothas who care enough to share. Just like we have valid complaints about men — whatever those complaints are and there are many—and we expect them to listen to us and respond positively to our frustrations, they want the same thing in return. In fact, quiet as it’s kept, the male needs that attention even more than we do. They're physically strong, but emotionally weak. We are typically just the opposite.

So ladies, give the fellas a break. Stroke their egos. Help the flawed and frustrated good man find peace. Listen to his gripes. Stop being so hard on the good ones and so easy on the bad ones. Acknowledge your wrong in this great divide because you do bear some blame. Soften up. Laugh more. Forgive more. Pick the right ones more. Be the right one more.