Obama: The Talk

After today's unfortunate event with President Bush, you can best believe Obama gathered everybody around (the girls being the ONLY exception. Suit up, Michelle) for a "Better not happen to me" talk.

Obama: I gathered all of you today to get one thing clear. The notion that you would let a reporter throw a shoe at me, not one time - but two times - is completely unacceptable. To be even clearer: Leather better be in y'all bellies before I ever know shit went down. Got it?

Michelle: [Looks around at surrounding Security, the Vice President, Hillary, Bill and anyone who happened to be in the near vicinity that day] What Barrack means --

Obama: -- what Barrack means is that a shoe could have been a knife and Barry will stomp a hole in any body's azz in this room who lets a knife or shoe or piece of LINT whiz past my head. Got it?

Biden: [Raises hand] So, I would have to take a knife for you?

Obama: Or a shoe.

Biden: [Steps back] I see.

Hillary Clinton huffs and puffs, rolls eyes, and folds arms across chest.

Obama: [Doesn't even look in Hillary's direction as he addresses her] Unfold those arms and catch a boot in your mouth if you have to.

Michelle: Bullet proof glass, Barrack -- you have bullet proof glass around you all the time!

[Biden breaths a sigh of relief.]

Bill Clinton: [muttering] this is bullshit....

Obama: [Raises eyes and touches chin]

Bullet proof glass 90% of the time, but the notion that 10% of the time is not the KEY factor in this equation is ridiculous. Under no circumstances am I to ever feel the wind of a flying shoe. When I come up for air I'm busting the nearest ally who let it happen. [Lifts suit jacket to reveal 45.] Hope I'm being clear.

[Everyone nods and security encircles Obama. ]

Obama: Chi-town baby!