Monday, March 23, 2009

Courtship Pt. 1: How Long?

Since the age of 14, I've had a few serious relationships. Each one has been "official" after 3 months or less. Well, I held one off for about 6 months... we almost reached that awkward point of no return: friends/friends who know all of the business. But for the most part, each boyfriend I've ever had has been the result of a very short courtship.

I've noticed that men aren't vague when they seriously want to be with a woman. I think that when they want you, they try to lock you down ASAP. That goes for the players as well as the non-players. The employed and unemployed. The good and bad.

The lead-up to Exclusivity usually goes something like this:

1 - Meet
2 - Date for about a month (no sex involved)
3 - Talk often, see each other often
4 - Then bam! anywhere from 2 weeks - 3 months later, he says one of these 5 things:

-- When are you going to be my woman?
-- You know we're a couple right?
-- I don't want you to see anybody else...and I don't want to see anybody else, either.
-- I'm falling in love with you...I want to be your man...
-- You got me, I don't want anybody else. I want us to be exclusive/exclusive.
-- Will you GO WITH ME?

The last one is usually spoken by the ever-so-playful man -- but he's serious and he soon makes it known that he is NOT joking.

Some people think it takes longer than 3 months to get to that point. But, if I'm still communicating with a man on a daily basis after 3 months he must be a good guy or one hell of an impostor. By the time 3 months rolls around, it's either ON or OFF. Not because I have some 3-month deadline, but because by that time he's probably tired of waiting on me to give up the Good Girl (LOL).

Then again, maybe because I'm a nurturing, yet elusive Cancer female, I attract sensitive guys who want to be in committed relationships...?

Women, how long do you "talk" to a guy before it gets serious? Why?

Men, how long do you "talk" to a woman before you want it to get serious? Why?

1 comment:

  1. I'm with you Smokie! None of that being vague stuff, if you don't claim me I'm out.

    Its usually around 2-3 months for me too. With my ex, he mentioned how much he liked me and wanted me to be his girl.. when I didn't respond, he told all his friends... then told all my friends... there was no "I'm not ready for a relationship" talk at all.

    So I get to know a guy for 3 months, and if he says he's looking for a relationship but hasn't mentioned anything, then I assume I'm not what he's looking for and keep it moving. More importantly, I make it known from the outset that I'm not looking to 'kick it' with anyone and the guys who aren't serious usually stop communication after the 1st month.


Just say what you feel!