Thursday, May 14, 2009
Successful Marriage Tips
My 1 year anniversary is coming up (next Friday). My how time flies when you're having fun. :-) Whoever said marriage wasn't fulfilling and one of the most rewarding experiences in life, lied -- or married the wrong person.
I've learned a few things about myself, learned a few things about him, and learned a few things about having a happy marriage. So far, this is what I know about the latter:
1. Married people who are unhappy from the JUMP married the wrong person. They ignored the warning signs and foolishly hoped that things would get better once they tied the knot. You have to be vigilant about your spousal selection before you get married because marriage means living, eating, and breathing with another human being under CONTRACT. If you don't genuinely like and appreciate your spouse, it's going to be hard to be happy with them.
2. Marry who you can chill with. If you can't unwind with a person and don't enjoy their very presence, marriage will be a chore.
3. In a 2 income home, both parties should do what they are skilled in and there are no set "roles" in a 2009 marriage. If you can cook, cook. If you like cleaning, clean. If you can manage money well, manage it. If you don't mind doing something that your spouse hates to do, do it for him or her! With the right person by your side, marriage can actually make your life easier.
4. Always talk respectfully to each other. Disagree with respect. Argue with respect. Fuss and fight like a crazy person with the people outside of your home, if you must.
5. Sex keeps the intimacy alive and well. It doesn't have to be an all night marathon, either, to be extremely fulfilling. Loving sex on a regular basis keeps the blood pressure down and keeps a woman and a man at a calm level. Sex with the one who God merged you with is the BEST, guilt free sex that you can experience. Cherish that in-house ...
6. Two incomes is the bomb!
7. Marry someone with morals, goals, and a religious belief that is comparable with yours.
8. Opposites attract but the things you have in common make you stick together and bond.
9. Family members do not need to live with you, especially not in the early years of your marriage. The only exception should be an elderly parent or grandparent who will stay in their room and not get in your way.
10. Marry someone who balances you out. You can't be so alike that nothing gets done, or that both of you want to be the boss, or that neither of you is in touch with reality. Marriage is a merging of two who become one. You have to bring something different and missing from that other person's life to the table and vice versa. You'll both grow tremendously.
11. Maintain your friendships. Sure, we can get caught up as newlyweds, but at some point you have to come out of the cocoon and go out with your girls or with the fellas. There's nothing like coming home after happy hour (go to club all night for what??) and telling your spouse about your evening. Having your own life only adds to the life you share.
12. Your mate should be your haven. Home should be a place of refuge, acceptance, and encouragement. If everyone else is against you, your mate has to be for you. If you're dating someone who doesn't have your BACK and won't go to bat for you, the love isn't strong enough to make you happy in the long run.
13. Marriage should be for life. Do everything in your power to choose someone who you can ebb and flow with. It's crucial that personalities "fit" when you are married. Clashing personalities = a clashing home. Who wants to willingly enter into a life of chaos?
14. Keep your business to yourself unless abuse is in the relationship or unless you plan to leave.
15. If the love is strong before the marriage, it will only deepen to levels that you never knew you were capable of during the marriage.
16. Pride doesn't exist in marriage. Or at least it shouldn't. Don't be afraid to lay it all out on the line with the person you've married -- and fully expect the same thing in return. Have those uncomfortable conversations at the beginning of the marriage to get ish straight from Day ONE. Give in to reasonable requests when you can. Don't ever let pride get in the way of an easy compromise. Picking your battles and compromising are the keys to a happy home.
17. Keep your appearance up. Some married folks settle in and gain weight or they just generally get careless with their appearance. They think, "I got him now" or "She love my dirty drawers." Yeah, all that's well and good but everyone appreciates a good smelling and aesthetically appealing person by their side. You don't want to catch yourself lusting after the some stranger who gives a damn about his/her appearance. So, look good in the house as often as you can because there WILL be days when you can't help but look like a troll. Shore up enough good looking memories where the ratty clothes days won't matter.
18. Marriage requires communication, honesty, transparency, respect, affection, understanding, patience, accountability, and the mindset of "giving your all". You will definitely get it all back in return.
19. Spend quality time together, alone, just laughing talking and catching up with each other. If at all possible, make this a ritual EVERY single day.
Do you have a #20???