Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Chris Brown and Rihanna: 4 Scenarios

*This is a very long post. I'll try to keep your attention. Excuse the language; art required it.*

I’d be lying if I claimed to be interested in any celebrity gossip that doesn’t include Robyn Rihanna Fently and Christopher Maurice Brown. I can’t even care about Usher’s poor wife having serious complications from plastic surgery right now.

I’ve been on every site with any drop of new info and I’ve come up with four possible scenarios of the night in question.

It’s understood that –

1 - Chris Brown didn’t want to be with Rihanna that night. They had been having problems, were not “together”, and only made an appearance at Clive Davis’ party to preserve their (Rihanna’s?) image. As we can see, Chris Brown’s facial expressions and body language say, “Give me 50 feet. I do not want to be with YOU and if I stay around you too long I might beat your ass.” Rihanna’s body language and facial expressions say either, “Baby baby don’t go” or “Let’s smile for these damn camera’s, n*gga.”

2 - Chris stopped for gas as they were leaving Clive’s party, around 12:30 Saturday morning.

3 - Chris received a text from a girl. Rihanna got mad.

Here’s where the scenarios’s branch off:

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Scenario #1

Chris receives a text from a girl. Rihanna gets mad.

Rihanna: Who da fuck dat is?! What you gwone do?! You trying to drop me off and go see dat bitch? Give me da damn phone!”

[Tries to grab phone, uses feet, heels, fingernails, and whatever else to get the phone. Beats Chris across the head with the phone. He ducks, dodges, and tries to keep her hands off of him. She bites his fingers/arms when he tries to keep her back. He bites her in return. Swipes back. Swerves. Jumps out of the car.]

Chris Brown: What the fuck? Bitch, you crazy?

Rihanna: Hell yeah, I’m crazy. [Takes keys from ignition and throws them into the night air.]

Chris Brown: [Snaps, runs up to Rihanna, fists drawn].

Rihanna: [Fists drawn as well.] What you got? What you got? What you gone do –

[Chris’ fist meets the side of Rihanna’s head, another fist lands on her eye, another hits the eye again, then across the other eye. One more across the mouth. She screams. He grabs her by the throat.]

Chris Brown: Bitch, I’mma kill you! Throwing my damn keys. Trying to fuck up my night!"

[Rihanna passes out; Chris snaps to and runs to call his people to pick him up.]

Problem with that scenario? Neither one had any security. Chris didn't stick around to see if Rihanna were alive.

Solution: Are they just too broke for Beyonce/Jay-Z level security? After such a savage attack, maybe Chris didn't care if Rihanna were alive. He did say he was going to kill her. But then, the authorities would have to charged him with Attempted Murder also.

Questions for Scenario #1 – Was this Chris' first time snapping? In the past, did he push? Is Rihanna lying about passing out?

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Scenario #2

Chris receives a text from a girl. Rihanna gets mad.

[Chris silently reads text and smiles. Rihanna pouts, looks out the window.]

Chris: Where I’m dropping you off at? [Texts]

Rihanna: Take me to that bitch’s house who you textin'.

Chris: Oh you ready to take it to that level? I can handle 2 -- can you? [Laughs; texts.]

Rihanna: Screw you! [Lightly pushes him upside the head].

Chris: You just gone push my effing head? Huh? Huh?! [Pushes her head HARD.] Now what’s up? [Gets out car. Raises arms.]

Rihanna: [Gets out of car. Gets in his face. Points.] Don’t play with me like that! Texting bitches all in my face and shit -!

Chris: What? Monitoring my calls while you mouth fucking fags at concerts? Whatever baby. I aint got no rings.

Rihanna: [Pushes his head; swipes at him.] But you got tats you goofy m$(&^%$#!!!

[They scream back and forth and he tells her to “stay your ass here. Walk home!” Rihanna jumps in the car, takes out the keys and chunks them in the darkness.]

Insert beat down from Scenario #1.

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Scenario #3

Chris receives a text from a girl. Rihanna gets mad. Starts fighting Chris in the car. He never hits her back, stops the car, they argue, she still hits him; she throws his keys in the wind, he leaves, she beats herself up and screams bloody murder. Calls 9-1-1.

The problems with Scenario #3?: Way too good to be true.

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Scenario #4

They argue, push and shove a little, and Rihanna sacrifices performance $$$ out of spite. All of the “sources” are lying and this is just a scorned girl who wants to damage her boyfriend’s career because he no longer wants her.

The problems with Scenario #4?

1- Chris Brown hasn’t spoken out to clear his name. He hasn’t shown his face; in fact, he has only hidden his face as of late.

2 - Rihanna can’t afford to miss appearances like that.

3 - NO ONE has said that Rihanna’s injuries were less than horrible. No one has said that Chris Brown did not use his fists on Rihanna.

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I think the answer lies somewhere between Scenarios #1 and #2. The only questions that remain are: Where is Chris’ mug shot? Is the economy too shaky for a clerk to risk his job and LEAK some pictures of Rihanna’s bruises???

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Random “Rihanna and Chris Brown Altercation” links:

Necole Bitchies detailed run down of events.

Rihanna’s friends worried about her since December.

Grandmother: Rihanna is doing fine.

Chris Brown holed up in Vegas.

Text message starts the violence.

Rihanna’s injuries horrific.

Chris Brown’s step dad, still talking.

Rihanna started the fight.

Chris Brown endorsements pulled.

Chris Brown threw dishes at his mother.

Rihanna admits to violent fights with her brothers.

This picture has been circling the net. It’s obviously photo shopped – and stupid.


  1. Great analysis! I think you have something here too. I say #2. Yeah, definitely #2. Poor girl.

  2. Talk about Prosecutor, Judge, and Jury! I really wish it were scenario 3.

    I always love your opinions........they're so defined.

    Good post!


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