Back to The Old Me

In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength. (Isaiah 30:15)

It is always weakness to be fretting and worrying, questioning and mis-trusting. What can we do if we wear ourselves to skin and bone? Can we gain anything by fearing and fuming? Do we not unfit ourselves for action and unhinge our minds for wise decision? We are sinking by our struggles when we might float by faith.

Oh, for grace to be quiet! Why run from house to house to repeat the weary story which makes us more and more heart-sick as we tell it? Why even stay at home to cry out in agony because of wretched forebodings which may never be fulfilled? It would be well to keep a quiet tongue, but it would be far better if we had a quiet heart. Oh, to be still and know that Jehovah is God!

Oh, for grace to be confident in God! The holy One of Israel must defend and deliver His own. He cannot run back from His solemn declarations. We may make sure that every word of His will stand though the mountains should depart. He deserves to be confided in; and if we would display confidence and consequent quietness, we might be as happy as the spirits before the throne.

Come, my soul, return unto thy rest, and lean thy head upon the bosom of the Lord Jesus.

This was how I lived my life, but lately I've been letting people get to me. I haven't been resting in my own God-given quiet strength.

Some women need sex, approval, empty words, status, a man, family support. I've never felt an overwhelming need for these things. I've never needed someone to talk to because, well, I have Jesus. I've never needed to be loved because my whole family loves me to the nth degree (and Jesus loves me!). I've never needed other people to approve of me because enough people already "approve" of me and more importantly I approve of me! I've never needed a man's sweet b.s. in my ear (although I've received it) because I know that sweet b.s. alone would never make me ULTIMATELY happy. I've never had to have anything RIGHT NOW because I know that I will get it at the right time.

You get the point.

I guess my attitude changed about a year or so ago because I was tired of everyone else always extolling their virtues, while I quietly sat with mine. Because trivial things mattered so much to other women, I found myself comparing myself to them and raising my hand as if to say, "I already have what's so important to you -- and really, it aint that important."

I've been comparing myself aloud to insecure women (and men) in an effort to SHUT THEM DOWN and stop comparing their lives with mine. No more of that.

I have two goals in 2009: to be on time and to handle my business. I am aware that the Devil sends all kinds of people around to block that and to make you second guess yourself. I'm aware that the Devil tries to stop progress whenever you are thisclose to success. He's done that in my life a few times. NO MORE.

I don't mind letting go of friends, foes, enemies, jobs, habits, ideas, or anything that will block me from getting to the place that SMOKIE needs to be. I pray daily for my own attitude to align itself with what it should be. I am a work-in-progress and I will be damned if some chicken head comes along and stops my progress.

How freeing it is to go back to the old me!