Tuesday, January 13, 2009
This Whole Gay Thing
I’ve been holding off my thoughts on gay marriage and gay parenting for some reason.
Then I saw this little story about the first gay priest speaking at the inauguration, and I decided to go on and make the Gay Marriage post.
First though, what exactly can a gay priest do? I know regular priests aren’t even supposed to marry, so I am guessing that a gay priest shouldn’t be able to marry, date, or do anything with another man. If that's the case, what, really, is the whole point of coming out as a gay priest? That’s like a person who only thinks about killing folks going to the cops and confessing. Why say anything...?
I guess a gay priest gets to handle his gay business. Kinda unfair to the other priests if that’s the case.
Now, gay marriage….
One of my best friends is a lesbian who doesn’t identify as a lesbian. That, really, is a whole 'nother post in itself, but she doesn’t classify herself as a lesbian DESPITE moving her white gal down here from Virginia. They have two dogs and plan to impregnate the white broad with some random sperm in 2009 or 2010. See, I told you that was a whole ‘nother story.
But my friend, Lannie, I’ll call her…Lannie plans to go through the whole artificial insemination thing with her non lover. And if gay marriage becomes legal she’ll probably tie the not with her non lover, too.
I even have a lesbian couple in my family. The stud (dominant one) plays co-parent to her lover's daughter. (I must admit they seem pretty happy on the surface, finally.) I have a few gay male friends as well. So, I know gay people intimately; I know their struggles. And guess what? I don’t think they should get married OR bring a kid into the world.
Should they adopt? It isn’t an ideal situation by far, but if a child is already here and needs a good, dysfunctional home, I suppose so.
How judgmental of me to think this way. How dare I deny people the right to live as they want to live. Well.
I see it like this: If a person chooses (I use that word in the most literal context possible) to live a gay lifestyle, I think they should forfeit parenting. I don’t believe that anyone should plan for a child to not to know their biological parent. I believe it is selfish to bring a child into the world while planning to keep their parentage a mystery until they are 18 —or forever. It’s simply unfair to give yourself the gift of a child while taking away their gift of a parent.
I know there are plenty of single parent homes. I know there are many dysfunctional 2 parent homes as well. I know there are plenty children of heterosexual parents who don't know their fathers. The problem is that gay individuals want to ADD to the list of kids who don't know one of their parents.
Heterosexual dysfunctional parenting does not automatically make gay parenting fair to a child. The crisis facing kids who are already here does not justify anyone - single and hetero, or coupled and gay - to CONTRIBUTE to the crisis. Every child deserves to know their other parent.
People take their identities seriously. Another parent is a part of a child's IDENTITY.
Perhaps the main reason that Proposition 8 was struck down was the fear that the floodgates of selfish parenting would open. Maybe the voters were thinking of the kids. I know that’s who I would have been thinking about.
So, be gay. Fine. That is your thing and I'm not mad at you at all. DO YOU. But the gay community really shouldn’t attempt to re-define the definition of marriage and gain all of the benefits that come with it. That’s not to say that I don’t believe in civil unions. I do. I just think that the line should be drawn at children.
Labels: Gay Marriage